MARINE-TYPE DEFINITIONS

By Dr. Robert E. Plucker

(These are mostly original, but some are well-known.)

Bikini              A tiny Pacific Island, also a tiny article of clothing never seen on the foredeck of a sailboat north of Lat. 48 N.

Boat                A vessel small enough to be carried aboard a ship (see ship).

Chimney        Also has the archaic name of Charley Noble, a vertical pipe leading from a heating device located forward in the cabin of a live-aboard sailboat, which inevitably fouls the sheets when coming about.

Come about   A sudden scary turning maneuver that results in wildly flapping sails, yelling, yanking on ropes (oops, sheets) finishing with all the passengers sitting on the wrong, or low side.

Compass       A crude, low-tech instrument that will indicate the general direction of North, but never true north, and only if there is no metal near it, and it must have been properly swung, adjusted, compensated, and the incantation about True Virgins Make Dull Companions has been recited.

Depth Sounder          A gadget that explains to the skipper that the reason his boat is no longer moving is because the water is too shallow to float the boat.

ETA               A question asked late in the trip by uneasy passengers who belatedly mention to the skipper that they have an appointment ashore (or wish they had) in fifteen minutes.                                                    

Fisherman        Someone who can't understand why sailboats exist.

GPS             A nearly miraculous method of electronic navigation that will let your boat run over a gill-net while you are watching the tiny screen for the next way-point, speed, direction, compass heading, etc.
GPS 2             Same miraculous gadget that will set your course as the shortest possible distance to the next way-point, quite probably over very shallow water, rocks and other dangers the skipper would see if he stopped watching the GPS screen.

Heel                 A tilt to one side.  This is good because it means the sails are filling properly and you have enough wind to move the boat instead of just drifting.

Jibe                 A noisy, scary turning maneuver with the wind at your back, involving the main boom unexpectedly swooping across the cockpit, coming to a sudden stop on the opposite side with a loud BANG, leaving all those who failed to duck, unconscious.

Liar                Anyone who claims never to have gone aground.

Liar 2           Anyone who claims to have never experienced the slightest sign of sea-sickness.

List                  A bad tilt to one side resulting from bad load distribution.  It can also mean your vessel is sinking.

Marine head   A complicated floor fixture meant to carry off human bodily wastes.  Skipper's nightmare when stuff inserted in head fails to go through the too small hoses.

Miracle         Somehow freeing the propeller from a line or net fouled on it without having  to go overboard and cut it off.

Rules of the Road    A hopelessly complicated system of preventing collisions and other accidents at sea which will explain to you why you do NOT have the right of way all the time, even though your vessel is a sailboat.

Ship                 Any vessel large enough to carry a boat on board.  (See boat)